Maldivians didn't know about sex before 2004: Gayoom

Maldivians were as ignorant to sex as medieval British maidens were during the Marie Stopes era, the aged dictator of Maldives, Maumoon Abdul Gayoom said recently.

"Before my Reform Agenda of June 2004, they were jaahilu (uneducated) and illiterate raajjethere (rural) simpletons who didn't know a thing -- let alone such sophisticated and urbane issues like sex and other basic human rights," Gayoom said bitterly at a ceremony to mark the 7th year since Maldivians came to know about sex -- thanks largely to him as he claims.

"Even 30 years was not enough to enlighten these people on what we civilized liberal intellectuals take for granted and would otherwise regard as basic -- like sex and other human rights," he said while addressing a largely middle-aged but adoringly buruga-clad audience of housewives.

"So I am royally pissed off that the current dictator Mohamed Nasheed is taking all the credit, what with him dancing and his minions singing and whispering the 'hiykaafaru' ('aroused') word on public forums," Gayoom said flaccidly but defiantly.

The Other DRP faction's leader Thasmeen Ali said he had no comment apart from the fact that he definitely "didn't want to get drowned in Gayoom's philosophical muck."